Give Yourself Grace as a Part of Your Self-Care Practice
Give Yourself Grace as a Part of Your Self-Care Practice by Cassandra McD. for Swell Made Co. Photo by Fat Camera.
During the start of the global pandemic, there were countless stories of people using their time in lockdown to make changes in their lives. Some people were learning new skills like baking bread, redecorating, becoming plant parents, and starting new businesses. People were doing a lot.
Others, myself included, however, did very little during this period. Not to feel like a complete waste of time, but mostly to stem the boredom of lockdown life, I became a plant mom to four plants and tackled some overdue decluttering. Yet somehow, despite feeling good at the time, I somehow managed to let these small wins feel inconsequential.
Feelings of Inadequacy and Guilt
I intended to spend my lockdown life trying new recipes and mastering jump rope. I was supposed to write that novel I've been 'meaning' to write for the past 10 years (I've only ever written two short stories in my life and neither have a plot or a plan in mind yet). I was supposed to learn to code and master the Spanish lanugage on Duolingo. How's that going? No bueno! I was supposed to shed the pandemic pounds by working out daily – I downloaded apps! Of course, I didn’t do any of these things.
Rationally, I know there was no real pressure to accomplish anything. Yet, I found myself comparing my lack of achievements with others' success stories. I felt like I wasted some valuable time that I would never be able to get back. I felt inadequate and guilty.
Pandemic fatigue, feelings of languishing and social media amplifying successes (real or fake) only added to the feelings of inadequacy. Surprisingly, it wasn’t until I stumbled on a video by a Content Creator on Instagram that I had an ‘aha’ moment. She said, “we all deserve grace, and we all deserve goodness.” Powerful, right? I realized that I needed to shift my perspective and learn to let go of self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy and embrace more grace.
What is Grace?
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.”
There are different definitions of grace, including definitions rooted in religion and spirituality, or that relate to movement or personal traits such as charm, poise, and elegance.
When talking about grace, I like the definition of grace that states it is the "disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency.”
Giving yourself grace, therefore, is about showing yourself kindness and self-compassion.
Giving yourself grace is about being gentle with yourself. There is a softness and beauty in the word 'grace' itself.
Giving yourself grace is about finding a way to forgive yourself and let go without judgement of past failure or disappointment.
Giving yourself grace is about being at peace with the past and focusing on the present.
Finally, giving yourself grace involves taking the time to check in on your feelings and how you are reacting to the circumstances you find yourself in and doing so without judgement and self-criticism but rather with curiosity, openness and understanding. Being aware of the emotions you are experiencing gives you the psychological space to better deal with those emotions more objectively.
Give Yourself Grace as a Part of Your Self-Care Practice by Cassandra McD. for Swell Made Co. Photo by Fat Camera.
5 Ways to Give Yourself Grace
1. Remember that everyone falls short sometimes
Acknowledge to yourself that everyone makes falls short of meeting goals or achieving what they said they would. Accept that as human beings, we are all flawed, and failure and disappointment are a part of life. It’s ok to fall short at not achieving your goals.
2. Manage your expectations
During the period of lockdowns, I told myself that I ‘wanted’ to do a lot of things, but those were wishes without any specific plans to accomplish anything. Put another way, failure was inevitable.
To better avoid feelings of inadequacy and guilt, I try managing my expectations based on the reasonableness of the goals set and the actions taken to accomplish them.
3. Recognize that comparison steals your joy
“Why couldn’t I be that person?!” and “Why couldn’t I do what she did?” We all do it. Comparison to others was likely running high during lockdown when we were stuck at home with more time to scroll social media and create the perfect Pinterest board.
Comparing ourselves to others is common and not helpful. You cannot celebrate your wins if you constantly compare yourself to others. Comparison robs you of that joy and sense of accomplishment, even when it's a small victory.
But letting go of comparison is easier said than done. We can try to focus on ourselves and how good we feel about accomplishing what we set out to and measure our success by that feeling and not by the standards of others.
4. Practice gratitude
Gratitude is about recognizing the good things in your life, whether that be possessions, your relationships, and circumstances and truly appreciating them – being thankful for them.
Gratitude forces us to focus on abundance rather than on what we lack. With gratitude, we focus on positive experiences (even in the face of an adverse event), which can shift our perspectives and mood.
Finding gratitude in the most challenging times is not easy, but it does help to give you the kind of perspective needed for clarity and calm. And in that, you can find grace.
5. Apply self-compassion
Self-compassion is essential to being able to give yourself grace in challenging times. Self-compassion involves being kind, gentle and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate and avoiding self-criticism. It requires an understanding and acceptance that we are imperfect and life can be hard sometimes.
Final Thoughts
The quote by Anne Lamott perfectly captures the impact of allowing grace into your life. She said, “I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.”
Cassandra (she/her) is a 9-to-5er and when she’s not at her full-time gig, she’s tapping into her creative superpower as a lifestyle content creator and photographer. Her experience with career burnout has turned her into a wellness warrior who knows the power of healing through slowing down and finding calm in everyday with mindfulness, self-compassion, humour and realistic optimism.
Follow her for some inspiration on Instagram: @swaggerandgreys